Doctors

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.

Time is generally the best doctor.

Doctors cut, burn, and torture the sick, and then demand of them an undeserved fee for such services.

As long as men are liable to die and are desirous to live, a physician will be made fun of, but he will be well paid.

The more things doctors are able to do, the more likely that at least a few doctors won't do them. And the result will be more people suing for negligence.

The reason doctors are so dangerous is that they believe in what they are doing.

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office.

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription.

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured.

Sleep

I wasn’t really asleep I was just meditating on unconsciousness.

Sleep is pain's easiest salve, and doth fulfill all the offices of death, except to kill.

Sleep is when all the unsorted stuff comes flying out as from a dustbin upset in a high wind.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. - Mark Twain

Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.

Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is of course the miracle.

Sometimes the most productive thing one can do is to sleep.

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

People who snore always fall asleep first.

Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds.

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.

I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake.

The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.

O bed! O bed! delicious bed!
That heaven upon earth to the weary head.