Computers

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.

User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." ~ Dave Barry

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. ~ Mitch Ratcliffe

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.

I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.

In God we trust, all others we virus scan.

Rebooting is a wonder drug - it fixes almost everything.

There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.

Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.

Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.

What boots up must come down.

A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space.

Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.